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January 30, 2008
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Dear Writer's Union:

Hello! My name is Bill Smith.  I am a cartoonist, creator of and writer for the comic strip Briefs. I cartoon because my doctor feels this is a better outlet for my "creativity" and it costs less than medication. Plus they couldn't keep me from hiding crayons in my underwear, and evidently that stuff is a pain to get off the padded walls. But enough about that.

I am having a problem.  You see, when I heard that all the writers were no longer writing material, this put me in quite the block.  Who was I going to get to write material for my comic strips?!  The previous writer for the comic material had been myself, and things had gone rather smoothly with this agreement, with some comics garnering more than a 100 favorites when I was having a good day.  I was very pleased with myself as a writer, and I was considering giving myself a raise (I knew I would like that and had cut myself rather short on my Christmas bonus) when I heard about the strike.

What a severe blow to the head with a crowbar!  Who was I going to get to write for Briefs now with myself on strike?  I support the strike, you see, us writers deserve more money! (I'd been doing Briefs very cheaply, at an average rate of no money per strip! What a rip!) But with myself on strike, I knew that Briefs would suffer.  So it'd be a face-off, much like your Union's against Hollywood.  

But the dry spell got too long!  I couldn't let Briefs fall into the same pit as The Office! (By the way, the clinic voted me "As Funny as Michael Scott" on my Facebook account, but my doctor says that this isn't necessarily a compliment, but I think he's still mad from the "Thorazine" incident.) I needed new stuff!  But what to do with myself on strike?  I had to come up with something.  The only non-writer I could get was my dog.  He's cute and all, but boy can he not write.  I think he should get the Pulitzer for not writing, he's such a bad not writer.  If you've seen my last comic strip, you'd know he's a bad not writer.  It involved aliens, a chainsaw, and William Tell.  My comics now suck with myself on strike, refusing to write material for them, and the clinic took away my dog once I showed them my new comic strip, so now I'm fresh out of a not writers.

Please cancel this strike!  We are suffering!  It shows on TV that this strike is hurting people (especially the Late Show.  My dog is a better not writer than anyone on that show.)  Plus it's not like you guys have ALWAYS been doing your job.  This is the only explanation I can think of for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 which was clearly the first two movie scripts put into a blender with Keith Richards, and Cloverfield, which I think was actually a series of close-ups on a drug-abusing fruit bat.  You writers are good, and you’d have to be crazy to continue the strike!  And I know you people aren’t crazy, you all are just as sane as I am.

Thank you for listening, please cancel this strike!

-Bill Smith

P.S.  I was sitting down to write this letter when I remembered that I was on strike and not writing anything.  So I didn’t take my meds.  My doctors say I’m not myself when I’m off my meds, so I guess that honors the strike since I wasn't myself when I wrote this. I think.  Though I hope we do get raises when this is all over, I keep on breaking the CC needles and the doctors said they’re going to have to start charging me.
I decided to write them a letter. The madness has to stop.

Just a little fun. Don't take this too seriously. : D
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:iconphlum:
Phlum Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2010  Student Digital Artist
A stroke of genius.
Reply
:icontoastaro:
toastaro Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2010  Student General Artist
Man, I love this. Your funny bone must be the size of a freaking whale.
Keep it up! :D
Reply
:iconwhocaresme:
whocaresme Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2009
I really wanna know you more
Reply
:iconsparxz86:
Sparxz86 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2008
LOL XD that made me giggle and I REALLY needed it <3 Im glad Briefs are back in action!
Reply
:iconokamisunshine:
OkamiSunshine Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2008
I seriously cannot stop laughing...
Reply
:iconemperial:
emperial Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
r-o-f-l, that's good stuff! *had the same dilemma during the strike, minus the medications*
Reply
:iconashurask:
AshuraSK Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2008
This was so funny. I was laughing the entire time I was reading it! Great job. XD
Reply
:iconimaginarygoddess:
ImaginaryGoddess Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2008
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Severely awesome.
Reply
:iconjenniferohcious:
JenniferOHcious Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2008
I BREAK THE CC NEEDLES TOO!

We should get married.

I've been off-meds for months, so we can be unourselves together! :P

(Nice paper, dude. I love this letter a lot.)
Reply
:iconmaileigh:
Maileigh Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Boy oh boy how I love being amused, you make me amused, I love your brain.

you WIN THE PRIZE!! :D :D :D

What's the prize, you ask?
Uhmm....

.... ... here's a cookie! :winner:

.... okay so it's not a cookie.. it's a trophy.
I'm sorry it wasn't a cookie.

Wait! Here's a donut! :donut:
Reply
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